Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Ok So I May Have Lost It....

that's if I still had it I guess. I don't know really what happened but it started out as a regular day and ended up somewhere else. The girls played most of the morning drawing with their markers, watching their cartoons, playing with their puzzles, and just being the little angels that they are. Then like a freak tidal wave came the arguing over whose toy belonged to whom, the whole not sharing dilemma, the phone trauma, and finally the well deserved timeouts. We did a few timeouts ineffectively on the living room floor for poor behavior and then thankfully it ventured into lunch time. Thank god for lunch time because shortly thereafter comes nap time.

So the girls slept their usual 2 and a half hours and woke up ... oh let me choose my words wisely... well they woke up like little pains in the butts. Neither of them could agree to play nicely, stay out of the kitchen, stop running in the house, spitting on the floor, talk at a normal tone instead of super freaking loud, stop whining, and my personal favorite- both girls would begin fighting as soon as the telephone rang. Now I know they want attention and they will stop at nothing to get it but they get it all the time all day long. There are some moments of the day that I may have a need too. You know... like the need to pee without being watched, the desire to answer the phone when it actually rings and have contact with the outside world of humans older than 3. Is that asking too much? According to my masters they would say yes.

So when Dave called home and Olivia immediately jumped up and tried to take Ava's toy away from her I hung up the phone and explained to Olivia that she was being rude to the person on the phone and that she needs to be quiet when mommy answers it so that we can both hear each other. "Ok mommy." Yeah it was ok until a few minutes later when I called Dave back to see why he had called in the first place. Immediately Olivia started talking loud, running through the kitchen, and taunting Ava.

That's when I lost it the first time. I felt so frustrated with Olivia and yeah I know she's acting her age, but- and this is a big but, she still needs to learn that there are times when she needs to be quiet for a few minutes and play nicely. I felt so defeated. The small chance I had with the outside world came to a crashing halt and all the focus was back on Olivia. Sometimes I do take my phone calls in the garage but even with that it's still hard to hear because the girls stand on the other side of the door and pound on it while calling or crying for mommy.

Since I was on the verge of my own meltdown I made the girls dinner. With their dinner came a bowl of cottage cheese which Olivia loves to eat. So during dinner Liv looks at me and tells me that the cottage cheese is hurting her stomach and making her sick and then she dumped it on the carpet under the table. Oh no she didn't. Oh yes, yes she did. I walked over to her, explained why that was not ok, and told her she was doing a time out in her room while I cleaned up her mess. Usually they do their timeouts on the floor in the living room so this was a whole new ball park. She marched upstairs, went into her room, and I shut door letting her know I'd be back when I finished cleaning the floor. She cried for her daddy the entire time she was in her room.

And here's the topper: When I walked back into her room and asked her if she knew why she was in there she told me it was because I put her there. Ok true enough. So I asked what did she do to earn a time out and she told me that she put her food on the floor and that she should leave it on the table. Ok good so far right? Then she tells me that she wanted daddy to drive home in his little car and pick her up and NOT Ava, reasons unknown, and take her back to work with him.

I felt about 2 inches tall.

Guilt creeping up my back and with a sympathetic look I explained that daddy couldn't come home at this minute but he would be home later on. Then I hung my tail between my legs and we went down stairs together. It was heart breaking seeing Olivia want someone else and to know that I made her feel miserable. Fast forward to today... I know that she was working me over with guilt and that she wasn't going to enjoy a timeout in her room but it was very effective.

Later on that night I was talking with a friend of mine on the phone... yeah go figure after 9PM I'm allowed phone privileges again... and during a lot of the conversation she was arguing with her son. I know it must have been difficult for her but I felt absolved. It was justified that this wasn't just happening to me, that every mom gets tired, annoyed, or just plain worked over. Partly my OCD adds to my frustration but just the every day happenings of life with kids is hard for everyone. She talked with me for a long while and talked me off the edge and back to reality. I woke up today feeling better and more at ease. Dave brought me home a giant hamburger which also helped and he was really concerned and sweet to me.

But to set the record straight: I blame my mom for all of this. When I was young she used to say, "one day you'll have kids and I hope they treat you like this..." Umm ya, thanks for that.

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