Monday, February 2, 2009

Just when you think it's safe to go back into the water

I become a complete mess. I have no idea what happened today but unlike most of my friends- I am not on Prozac... but really should be. Apparently they all got the memo of how to keep your sanity.

Call it pregnancy hormones- oh wait I'm not pregnant, call it the twinkie defense- humm I don't eat Twinkies either, ok so let's just call me crazy- that pretty much sums it up anyway. So today started out like any other Monday, Ava awakened at 5:30 am which meant I was up at 5:30 am. We laid in bed until 6:30 am where I received a professional massage which included such maneuvers like the eye gouge or "look mommy-eye," the slap and tickle (remove your mind from the gutter because it is so not what you are thinking) "look mommy see lovie, I tick you" which means I get whacked in the face with the lovie and she scratches my face with her scary fingernails, and then there's the pee pee fake out. The pee pee fake out is typically the last straw. It's Ava's opportunity to test me to see if I will get out of bed so she can go pee except 'go pee' actually translates into her running down the hallway to wake up Olivia. So today began with an bang. Woo Hoo.

We soon traveled downstairs and ate breakfast and got dressed. I ran a load of laundry and replied to an email while gulping down my coffee. The girls were being so good playing together and flipping through their books that I decided we should get in the car and go to Pump it up. So far so good right? So you'd think. We went and played and had a great time. Ava climbed the slide ladder for the first time and went down the slide all by herself. I was a nervous wreck watching her climb up the steep ladder but she wanted to try and I felt she deserved the opportunity. It worked out and she was proud of herself- all's still good right? Yip. So we went home.

We walked into the house and the girls began playing QUIETLY at their table with some toys. It is the only place in the kitchen they are allowed to play otherwise they have to play in the living room. Probably 30 minutes had passed and I had just finished folding the laundry so I thought to myself that before I take the basket upstairs I'll call Dave really quickly and tell him about how Ava went up and down the slide by herself. The minute I said hello to him they jumped up from the table. Olivia ran right over to the counter and started grabbing things off while singing as loud as possible and Ava headed to her workbench to begin her project which of course meant picking the loudest toy and keeping her finger on the button. WHY ME?

I lost it and scolded them both for acting out while I was on the phone. Every time I am on the phone or it rings the entire aura in the room changes. The girls become whiny and loud. EVERY TIME. I realize they are kids and need a lot of attention, but I had just spent an hour and a half playing with them in the bouncers. Beyond that I am with them every minute of every hour of every freakin day. I read to them, bathe them, brush their hair and teeth, snuggle them, love all over them, and wipe their butts. Can I not have 1 five minute phone call to myself where I don't have to go into the garage and sit in the Suburban? Am I really asking a lot? Apparently they think so.

I hung up with Dave because now the fun and exciting news that I was going to share with him had been smothered by my scolding. I apologized to the girls for overreacting and went up stairs with the laundry. I sat down in my chair and lost it. I felt like my only connection with the outside world had just been snuffed out by the little rulers of what was once my kingdom. It's like I have no say in anything anymore. My thrown has been overturned and the new rulers are greedy little runts. It really is their way or no way. So as I grieved for the loss of my sanity, well-being, and general welfare I came to the resolution that Olivia will be going to preschool and I will be getting some freedom back.

It's hard taking two small kids to places where I need to think things over such as the grocery store. They start fighting about something and then my main goal becomes getting the essentials and just getting out the door. Lately I've just stopped going unless it's the weekend and Dave can stay at home with them. This makes the week seem even longer if we don't get out of the house. And then at home I can't do anything without someone lingering around asking me what I am doing, or trying to get into the bathroom to pull all of the paper off the roll while I am trying to use the bathroom, or screaming when the phone rings, or sticking their fingers in any food I am eating. I even went to the point of buying these really really hot chips so no one would want any but the girls hovered over me and begged for them. They ate them and then drank lots of water and then asked for more. You are kidding me right? Your mouths are on fire yet you both want more...ugg.

Sanity gone- check. New not nice personality emerging-check. All work and no play making mommy lose her mind-check. If I were rich I'd hire a nanny for a few hours a day, a few days of the week. OBVIOUSLY I am not rich and this is in fact my life. I can deal probably not as well as my friends on Prozac who got the memo but I can deal. Most days I am just fine but today things just went bad. Dave cheered me up afterwards by sending me an e-thinking of you- card and telling me everything's fine and that he loved me. I felt better and took the girls outside to play with their friends.

1 comment:

Kristi said...

I am absolutely convinced that kids have a "mommy's on the phone" button that immediately clicks when you start to dial a number. It requires them to talk constantly and loudly while you are on the phone, while standing 2.3 millimeters away from your ear.